Happiness and Life Transitions
How is the year going? I wonder if you got time to think about the questions I asked in my New Year blog? How are the New Year Resolutions coming along – or didn’t you make any?!
It is quite a difficult time of the year in the UK – the grey skies and chilly winds make it hard to keep cheerful. Recently there has been a survey on happiness trends by the economist Andrew Oswald – see www.andrewoswald.com. His research has shown that there is a worldwide U-shaped dip in happiness in our middle years, peaking at around 40-44 and possibly accounting for the ‘mid-life crisis’.
Certainly this is my experience personally, and in my professional work as a coach I find that a large number of my clients are between the ages of 35-45. I think this is a natural time to review life and work decisions. In their early years people often adapt to their family, peer and social environment so as to be accepted in society and find work. After a few years they are in a better position to look back and question whether the lifestyle and career that they have chosen really suits them. It is as if their inner self demands to come out and find expression in the world. A good book to help understand this is The Soul’s Code by James Hillman (http://www.positiveworks.com/products/reading.htm ), where Hillman talks about the fact that everyone is born with a unique spark and how at some stage of life this uniqueness that lies within each of us demands attention and release.
Happiness, though, is an ephemeral state and to seek it on a continual basis could be to deny other less comfortable but nonetheless valid emotions. Emotions are there to give us cues to action. If people feel less happy in the mid-years it is probably because there is something in their life that their unconscious knows is not in alignment with who they truly are. This translates into a restlessness for change and so people do radical things like change career, break up relationships, move to another place or country, come out sexually, write a novel or develop their creativity. It is not easy for those around them and frequently not easy for the individual either, which is why many people choose to have the support of a coach (http://www.positiveworks.com/coaching/index.htm) to help them clarify their decisions.
I suspect the U-shape of happiness towards the end of life again relates more to a contentment about being able to be oneself, not someone who is adapting to gain the approval of family and society. Throughout our lives I think we are honing this ability to be the individual we are born to be. This is particularly observable in teenage years where a child is beginning the major separation process from the parent. People tend to shift again in their mid-twenties when they have begun to make a place in the world and are no longer financially dependent on their parents so have greater freedom to express themselves with or without the approval of family. The process, therefore, is not a one-off experience at 40 but frequently the mid-life crisis tends to be the most radical. However, as we are living longer people in their 50s and 60s and beyond are also making major changes. A good book on this subject is Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes by William Bridges (http://www.positiveworks.com/products/reading.htm).
So, as we start the new year it is a good time to review whether the life you are living is reflective of your inner self or whether there are some minor - or indeed major changes -you could make that could help you to align your outer world of life and work with your inner world. If so, you may find that a coach can help you through the process of challenge and analysis and at the same time can help you to be gentle with yourself and with those around you.
on February 5th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Happiness is such a huge subject - below are some books on the subject that I have come across. I have found that the spiritual laws of Acceptance, Cooperation, Understanding, Enthusiasm and Empathy take me a long way on the road to happiness, no matter what is happening in my life. In times of transition, being grateful for all that I do have, as I am letting go of attachments, is very comforting. I do feel that as with the Law of Attraction, the more you focus on something, the more you get it. So too with happiness. Keep choosing happiness and sooner or later, it finds you!
Happiness: The Science Behind Your Smile by Daniel Nettle
Stumbling into Happiness - Daniel Gilbert
Happiness – A Guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill – Matthieu Ricard
Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment by Martin Seligman
Happiness Now - Robert Holden
Superlove The Guide to Happiness in Personal Relationships - Anne Naylor
on February 6th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Interesting article Helen! Astrologically speaking,at the age of 27 - 30…..then again at 58 - 60….finally at 86 - 88, we experience the ‘Saturn Return ‘. This is the exact degree along the ecliptic that the planet Saturn occupied at the time of our birth. This is said to mark the true beginning of Adulthood, Self evaluation, Independence,Responsibility and full Maturation….one could say that these ‘ lessons ‘ ( Saturn is known as the ‘ Teacher ‘ ) continue to resonate throughout the life according to our response or lack of!.. I tend to think of these periods of ‘unhappiness’ as ‘ Divine discontent ‘….in other words, their is a sub/unconscious knowledge that something in the psyche needs to be faced which usually means grieved over, so I would say…..’ don’t avoid unhappiness, sadness, or grief….go into it as a friend and know that the heart knows best. Then of course, as reflected in the cosmos, we could say ,that ‘Happiness ‘ is always present as a natural state of being…rather similar to the sun which always shines, although not always visible.We cannot possess the Sun , we can only experience it….likewise ‘Happiness!!. For God’s sake, don’t let’s miss the opportunity by burying one’s head in books!!!